The Java Line

Posted: Sat, Jul 18, 2020
Last updated: Sun, Jun 13, 2021

Farmer’s Oats - Oatmilk

This is an interesting one. I bought it off an American food supplier based in the UK so they had the fancy flavours in. I don’t know if Shredded Wheat is a worldwide thing or not, but this drink was like if you liquified that and called it a day. I feel like it’s probably good for my heart… I guess if you ignore the taurine and whatever other crap’s in it. Once this starts hitting room temperature it begins to taste a bit like tepid puke. C tier.

I also recently found out this one’s vegan - which is fab! But it’s still a C tier.

Swiss Chocolate

An IMMENSE !!!! upgrade from Oatmilk. Again, must be ice cold or it starts to taste minging real quick, but this taste is gorgeous. I’d prefer it if it were in a smaller can so it’s easier to keep cold, or I could just have ice cubes or something with it. A tier.

Irish Blend

I gagged when sniffing this for the first time. It smells putrid. Taste is like cold creamy coffee … which I think is the point, but I hate creamy coffee so this was not a fun experience. It gets more tolerable as I get further into the can but it’s not my favourite. It needs some vanilla or something in it. C tier.

Salted Caramel

Gorgeous. Fucking delightful. Smooth with a beautiful flavour. S tier.

Kona Blend

Much more earthy taste than previous coffee flavours I’ve tried, but much much milkier. I wish the coffee taste was stronger but this is still fine. C tier.

Mean Bean

The Javas start to blend together at this point. This is like the Salted Caramel one… without the salted caramel. A creamy, sugary cold coffee?? I can’t really pinpoint the flavour too well. I feel like there’s vanilla in it but I don’t know. It’s fine. B tier.

Loca Moca

Maybe these reviews would work better if I had all these flavours in front of me and took a sip from each one? Literally it tastes like every other flavour, maybe a bit earthier. Very nice though. A tier.